Hey there. Are you bored of being tied down by conventionality? Are you looking to whip up something special for you and your partner? What about introducing a brand spanking new toy to top off an adventurous night in the bedroom? If the answer to all of these questions is a consensual resounding “yes”, then you might just be curious and kinky enough to crawl (on your hands and knees if you will) into the wonderfully weird and sexy world of BDSM.
Introduction
BDSM is an acronym and umbrella term used to describe a category of erotic and sexual practices and behaviors that involve specific interpersonal dynamics between two or more consenting adults such as bondage and discipline (B+D / B&D), dominance and submission (D+S / D&S), and sadism and masochism (S+M / S&M / sadomasochism). These exchanges of power is an unconventional route for intimacy, communication, and human connection, which is why practitioners of BDSM consider these practices a lifestyle and have built subcultures and communities around them.
When it comes to human sexuality, the term, kink, is used to define erotic and sexual practices, behaviors, and fantasies that fall outside the realms of conventionality and BDSM is often categorized as a type of kink, with people who subscribe to it being called kinky.
BDSM differs from abuse in that it’s built off of implicit, informed consent with all parties involved, usually known among practitioners as SSC (Safe, Sane Consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Along with giving consent, the ability to withdraw consent at any given time during such activities, referred to the BDSM community as “scenes”, “plays”, or “sessions”, is also understood and respected. Such periods of time are also negotiated and premeditated with rules, boundaries, and limitations openly discussed and set in place, along with safewords and safe-symbols (if speech is restricted or limited) to stop said activities.
BDSM revolves around one partner taking on the role of dominant (the doer/controller/top) and the other taking on the role of submissive (the receiver/sub/bottom) and engaging in activities such as role-playing, bondage, pain play, sensation play, impact play, humiliation etc.
B-D-S-M – A Breakdown
Bondage – refers to the practice of restraining someone physically using ropes, handcuffs, ties, scarves, belts, chains etc. While it traditionally means to tie limbs and appendages together to restrict movement, it can also refer to tying someone to objects such as bedposts and chairs or using restraints to spread limbs apart so the individual is splayed out on their back on stomach. The aspect of bondage in BDSM is not always for sexual gratification but can simply be a practical aspect of the scene agreed upon by all parties.
Discipline – refers to the practice of psychological restraint by implementing rules and punishments to control behavior. Examples of BDSM disciplining methods can include corporal punishments such as caning, spanking, and whipping; psychological punishments such as humiliation and degradation; and denial and restriction of movement and freedom via bondage or rules.
Dominance – refers to the mental practice of exerting control over an individual via a variety of behaviors and practices set in a sexual, sensual, or erotic context. Examples of dominant behavior include disciplining their partner and issuing punishments.
Submission – refers to the mental practice of giving up control and accepting being controlled by an individual. Examples of submissive behavior include being tied and following rules set by their partner.
Sadomasochism – refers to the practice of delivering and receiving physiological, psychological, mental, and emotional pain. Those assuming the role of sadist derive sexual pleasure and gratification by making someone suffer and/or inflicting pain, humiliation and degradation in a previously negotiated situation. Masochists on the other hand derive sexual pleasure and gratification by being on the receiving end of a sadist’s ministrations, which can include being consensually hurt, tortured, and/or humiliated in a specified consented to scenario.
Roles in BDSM
Top – the doer, controller, dominant who is usually in charge of executing a scene or play and guiding their partner through it while respecting previously discussed limits and boundaries. Tops sometimes identify themselves as sadists.
Bottom – the receiver, submissive, sub who is on the receiving end of a BDSM session and whose job is to please and obey their partner. This is not to say that bottoms have zero control; on the contrary, all safewords and safe-symbols discussed beforehand can be used by a bottom to withdraw consent and stop the scene or play at any time. Bottoms sometimes identify themselves as masochists.
Switch – an individual who goes back and forth between the role of top and bottom, depending on what the session calls for, what they feel like doing, and what their partner wants.
And there you go a brief summary on the pleasures and pains of BDSM. If you’re looking to add a touch of kink to your sexual preferences, why not check out ecchiTOKYO’s website to see if something strikes inspiration in you?
